Week 1: In hiding

I lay in bed. I cry. I sob. I scream. I don't eat. I don't answer the phone because I don't have caller ID. I only answer my cell phone for calls from my family.

I am depressed - the most that I have ever been in my life.

I am alone. I am without my baby.

I spend hours researching miscarriages. I feel so guilty, since I think I did something to cause my miscarriage.

• maybe it was the stress of her moving out
• maybe it was my 2 week business trip
• maybe it was the walks/hikes that I went on
• maybe it was the lack of sleep
• maybe it was my lack of demanding closer monitoring by my doctor
• maybe it was the lack of hormonal monitoring by my doctor
  
• maybe it was something that I did

Miscarriage boards are depressing, yet I devour them.