Egg Retrieval

Waking up at 4:30 am was not fun. I really don't like to wake up and drive in the darkness (it is supposed to be light in the morning). I got to the doc's office 10 minutes early, but had to stand in the hallway for 20 minutes (it was even too early for the nurses). I was told that there was a full day of ERs, so it might have been good that I was the first.

Since I drank tons of water before my cut-off point, I was well hydrated and the IV did not hurt at all. In addition, there was a problem with the compressor and the room was very comfortable (ususally, I am extremely chilled). I love being rolled into the hallway and then waking up from a very comfortable nap. I slept for over 1 hour in the recovery room.

I am a little upset that my regular RE did not perform the ER. I had the latest hire, and he only got 5 eggs out of me. How could there be less eggs than my u/s? In the past, I always had MORE eggs. I wonder if my RE would have had the same results.

I am sure that my 5 eggs are really high quality. Let's chant

Quality, not quantity

Repeat 5,000 times.

Disappointing Stats

I don't feel so great about my numbers.

Follicle Count
R1 23.7
R2 17.3
R3 22.1
R4 12.1

L1 23.0
L2 12.3

I think that it just sucks, but I can be hopeful that it will get me pregnant.  I keep repeating to myself "Quality not Quantity".

What is She Doing to ME

Why the heck did she leave me and why is she doing this to me. I am still in shock over being dumped, rejected, and vilified. It isn't like I cheated on her, or got into a big fight. I just don't understand. One day she tells me that she wants to be independent, and she leaves.

From the beginning, I was told (by her) that she is different. That she wouldn't never hurt me or do any unsavory financial things to me. She has been the worst to me. At least, I got all of my money that was owed to me by the one before. She told me that she wouldn't ask for 50%. She told me that she would never screw me. She is such a liar.

Not only am I alone and in dismay, but I lost my best friend. I don't have her to talk to anymore. She left me at the worst time of my life. She was mean to me during my miscarriage. Just hours after my hospitalization for my miscarriage, she yells at me that I will have to pay her for the house. The house where I paid 75% of all expenses.

Who is this person? Why is she doing this to me? I am so hurt that there just aren't words to describe what I am going through. The fucking bitch.

Sick to my Stomach

I woke up a few times during the night thinking about getting a BFN (big fat negative) for this cycle. It makes me sick to my stomach. I am so scared about not being pregnant, because this is probably my last, last attempt.

It kills me, because I know that I can become pregnant, but maybe it will take 3 more tries. I just can't afford it.

Check out my Gonal-F bruise (I nicked a vein)

My Body is Failing

Today's ultrasound did not pick up the slack. I only had one more follicle on the right side (R=4, L=1).  What is going on?  At my u/s check last month, I had 5-6 on the Right and 3 on the Left - that was UNMEDICATED. 

I talked to the nurse about cancelling this cycle.  My doc wasn't available for my file review, but a different doc told the nurse that he is not ready to throw in the towel.  He thinks that I may be off to a slow start, but my response seems to be the same as the other times.  Maybe, I will need to be on drugs a little longer.  So, I cook some more and get checked on Monday.

Sucky Ultrasound

It wasn't what I wanted to hear at my first ultrasound for this stimulation cycle. Actually, it sucks. I have 5 less follicles than last time.

Right Follicles
1 0.92 cm
2 0.94 cm
3 0.58 cm

Left Follicles
1 1.04 cm

The last cycle (when I got pregnant), I had 7 on the left on 2 on the right. What has happened to me?

The Last Solace

Tonight was the last meeting for the Solace Group. Even though we had homework that I didn't like (this group was much more work than the general counselling group at my RE's office), I still benefited and hope to meet up with some of the crowd again.

I was asked about my future pregnancy. The leader wanted to know how I would feel when I passed the 12 week mark - would I feel relieved? My answer is "no" - I was naive about miscarriages before. There are so many late term miscarriages; the woman sitting next to me had one at 28 weeks. I will definitely be going to a support group when I am pregnant again.

Lupron - I didn' t have any reaction this morning or last night, so that is good. I wonder why I had a reaction for a couple of days.

I'm excited to see my u/s at tomorrow's appointment. I hope that I have an amazing number of follicles and that it leads to another BFP. I hope that I didn't use up my luck with my last pregnancy.

The C Word

CANCEL

I can't believe that I heard the "C" word - Cancel your Cycle. WTF? It isn't a done deal, but I called to complain about a localized reaction that I am getting with the Lupron shots. It is itchy, but it is gone within 2 hrs. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Last night it was worse that today, so I hope it won't get worse.

MTHFR C677T gene polymorphism

The expensive blood work came back with a positive for Methylene-Tetra-Hydro-Folate-Reductase (MTHFR) with 2 abnormal genes (homozygous C677T). About 10% of the population are homozygous (thermolabile MTHFR) which could mean elevated homocysteine levels. Thankfully, my homocysteine levels were normal (5.1 micromol/L) so I'm not at risk for a clotting disorder. MTHFR could mean impaired folate metabolism.

Homocysteine is a chemical in the blood that is produced when an amino acid (a building block of protein) called methionine is broken down in the body. We all have some homocysteine in our blood. Elevated homocysteine levels (also called hyperhomocysteinemia) may cause irritation of the blood vessels. Elevated levels of homocysteine show an increased risk for (1) hardening of the arteries (atherosclerosis), which could eventually result in a heart attack and/or stroke, and (2) blood clots in the veins, referred to as venous thrombosis. [Varga E, Sturm A, Misita C, Moll S. Homocysteine and MTHFR Mutations Relation to Thrombosis and Coronary Artery Disease. Circulation. 2005;111:e289-e293]

Now, I get confused because there seems to be differences of opinion. However, I am happy with my doctor's recommendation to supplement with a combination pill (FABB tab) that contains 2.5 mg of Folic Acid, B6, and B12. I feel like I should do something because maybe my miscarriage was due to a folic acid deficiency? There are doctors who prescribe nothing, some that prescribe much more Folic Acid then I am getting, and some that also prescribe blood thinner injections.

Slacker on All Accounts

It doesn't seem like I am much of a blogger. It has been a long time and lots of stuff has happened.

Tooth - First of all, I am much better (if you care). It is only a month later and I am no longer miserable. I look like I live in hills of Kentucky because my top, front tooth is missing but I am happy to not be in pain. I have a $300 retainer that I am not wearing. I carry it around where ever I go so that I know I can "put-in" my tooth if needed. After 1 month, I have worn my retainer for 40 minutes ($7.40/min) - I could wear it more to justify the expense, but it isn't the most comfortable thing. Also, my gums need air to heal - right?



My endodontist tells me that things look really good. He must mean my gums because he took no x-rays. If things continue to look "good", I will get an x-ray that will, hopefully, lead to a temporary crown. This temp will be screwed to the screw in my jaw bone that pokes out through my gum. Problem - I can't have an x-ray at his convenience since I have stuff going on.





Pokey Stuff - I have made the IVF cycle official by stabbing myself with needles. Let me back up to give a summary

1. I stopped BCP (birth control pills don't you know) on 8/14
2. My u/s showed no cysts. This is good. I didn't cry. I guess that is good.
3. I had to give blood, but didn't know that I would be visiting the blood draw room. My favorite tech was there and asked how I was. I responded with "Well, I'm back" and a not too happy look on my face. I know that she was dying to know what happened. I told her about MTHFR (hmm, I haven't posted on that yet, but I will save that for another post), and the usual "I don't know". It was sad to be back there.
4. I told the tech that I didn't know I was going to give blood, so I didn't drink enough water. I was chided for not drinking water all of the time. It seems that I should always drink the clear elixir - imagine that.
   
5. I meet with the billing department. Over $7,000 then another over $7,000 then something about $430. Oh, let's not forget the $750 that I just paid for another round of STD tests. It seems that my last tests that were 6 months ago had expired. During the 6 months, I was going through IVF cycles and whoring around town, was pregnant for 3 months, got unpregnant, got depressed and whored around, and got dumped, so I am a live alone whore. I guess it was the whore part that made me a high risk so I had to go through another round of tests.
6. Got a call from the credit card company to check on these outrageous charges. I was also queried on a 41 cents charge at Walmart. Yes, I had 2 photos (1 hr pickup) made for my miscarriage support group - I had to bring something to remembrance night. There's my belly at 12 weeks, there's my big belly at the water fall - there's a smile on my face (what is that?).
7. I am positive (not for STDs). Lets get on with making a baby, not about losing a baby.
8. I started my Lupron shots on 4/17. I started to forget what I needed to do so I had to review. My first 3 shots were great - I felt nothing. My 4th shot caused some pain. This morning's shot wasn't that great either. What happened?
9. I screwed up my Menopur shot this morning. I haven't done Menopur since November 2006. Back when I had a honey and hope and being naive. I put the entire 2 cc sterile water in the syringe and shot the whole thing into my belly. I realize that it was supposed to be 1 cc. I'm not too worried because I think that the only affect will be bruising.
10. I'm not getting enough sleep

I started to eat like a pig, yesterday. I was down to 135 pounds (lower than my pre-IVF weight). I think the food thing had to do with my period (which also started, yesterday). Or, maybe it is the injections, or maybe the steroids wanting to turn me into a large, burly woman.

Back to the x-ray. I can only have an x-ray after the ER but before the ET. There.