Feeling Sad

I peed on a stick. I'm sure you can guess the results. Only 3 more days of peeing, then the beta on the last pee day. I really hate the way the nurses wait until almost 5 pm to make the "sorry, hon" calls. I bet they draw straws and procrastinate until the end of the day. That has to be one of the worst part about their jobs.

I still have March 10 indelibly pressed into my brain. It was a Saturday when I got the call at 11:30 am to tell me it was positive. I'm sure that I will never hear those words uttered again in my life (at least pertaining to me for a pregnancy). All other calls from a medical office better be negative (what else is good news to hear positive?).

Symptoms of Stupidness
  • twinge in my abdomen
  • bags under my eyes
  • tender breasts
  • peeing more than normal
  • one dizzy spell
  • hungry during the night
  • actually, hungry all the time
  • eating like a pig

Reasons why I am Stupid
  • I am on pregnancy hormones (progesterone and estrogen)
  • I'm eating so much that my stomach is stretched, thereby making me hungry
  • I'm not sleeping well, so I have bags under my eyes
  • Stomachs tend to twinge all the time
  • I have noted dizzy spells when not trying to get pregnant
  • I am not peeing as much as I did when I was pregnant
  • I really don't feel much
It is so depressing to think that this will not work. Part of me thinks that it will work, that I am pregnant. But my brain kicks in and tells me how stupid - a 5% chance is a 5% chance. The chance of getting pregnant really, really sucks. I am nearly 44 yrs old - what the fuck am I thinking. I am destined to be a barren, old maid.

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